Ways You Interfere with Your Own Decluttering Game

We are now in the second full week of January! Maybe you've begun the process of sorting and purging in rooms and closets as the first step in getting organized. Decluttering can be a draining task both mentally and emotionally. Let's talk about the things that hold you up or interfere with your decluttering game. How might you be getting in your own way? Here are some things you may find yourself contemplating and the ways in which we can work through them.

1. "But what if I need it someday?" One of the most common mental roadblocks in deciding to get rid of something is this nagging thought. We frequently hold onto to an item because we are worried that as soon as we decide to let it go, we will suddenly find a need for it. If you are making a decision about an item that you haven't used or looked at in over a year (maybe even something that you forgot you had), then it is unlikely you will be looking for or needing it again any time soon. It's actually not common to regret purging or donating an item that you realize you haven't used in a long time. To alleviate your fears, imagine that further down the road you do indeed have a need for such item. Ask yourself how costly it would be to replace. Is this something so expensive or so difficult to find that it is worth taking up precious space in your very packed closet on the off chance that you might end up needing it one day? If it's the sort of thing that you can grab at a store for a relatively low price, but still may not even end up needing... you can probably safely send it on its way out today.

2. "It's still in good condition." Not everything you are getting rid of in your sort and purge is headed for the trash! One of the great things about a home purge is that you will absolutely find things in good or even great condition that someone else may have a need for. There are three questions you need to concern yourself with here. 1) Do I still need it? If that answer is no... 2) Has it already served its purpose for me? If yes... 3) Should I try to sell it or donate it? Each item we own serves a purpose of some kind and as our needs and situations change, so do our belongings. If this is an item that has done its job, completed its mission. performed its task in your life, then donate it along to the next person who it can provide a function for! You get to declutter and you get to help someone else at the same time. Even better, the person you help just might be someone who doesn't have the means for a new item right now and your donation could make a big difference for them. If you decide to sell an item, always take into account the amount of time and energy required to post or list or locate a buyer and ask yourself if that amount of money is worth the effort. If not, donate to a local charity and feel good about doing it.

3. "But I paid a lot of money for it!" often follows number 2 on our list. You may not want to part with something because you are plagued by the memory of having spent hard-earned cash to obtain it. While it is frustrating to recognize that you may have bought something and never ended up using it, it is important to see the value in this experience. You had a thought, desire, or perceived need and it turns out that it was either unnecessary, unwanted, or maybe a poor fit for you. This is common with a piece of clothing that maybe you wanted to wear, but discovered time and time again you did not choose. There must have been a reason and that reason is there to teach you something about what you actually feel good wearing. You shouldn't feel beholden to an item simply because you spent money on it. In fact, holding onto something for this reason alone means you end up paying for it over and over again each time you open your closet and look at it taking up space, reminding you of wasted resources, and causing you to possibly question your choices. Move it along! Donate it or sell it but remember that selling an item should not be a second waste of your precious resources. Our time and our energy are as valuable as our money.

4. "I'd hate to waste it" is up next. Feeling like we wasted something whether it's because we didn't use it enough or use it at all leaves us feeling guilty and careless. But if the item served a purpose for you at one time then it surely wasn't wasted. It had a job to do and it's been done. If it hasn't served a purpose for you then it is ready to do so for someone else. It will end up being wasted if it sits unused in your basement or attic forever so go ahead and donate it! And send the guilt with it.

5. "But someone gave it to me..." can be a tough argument for the most sentimental of us out there. Someone who loved us thought enough to buy us a gift or pass something along that they thought we would love. Maybe we did love it! It brought us happiness either in that moment when we received it or over a period of time, but maybe that time has passed. It is no longer bringing us joy but is instead producing feelings of resentment because it is now holding us and our space hostage. We would like to be rid of it but feel immense guilt at the idea of saying good-bye. Here comes the "serving a purpose" bit that we've been discussing. If the gift brought you joy or provided a function at any point then it did what a gift is meant to do. Pass it along! If you never liked the gift to begin with, ask yourself if giving the gift brought joy to the person who bestowed it. This would also mean it served its purpose.

6. "It's part of my past" or "part of who I am"... Some things remind us of who we used to be, things we used to do or have done, and a life that maybe is no more. While we are all entitled to cherish special memories and memorabilia, there are boundaries that must exist between what used to be, what is now, and what is next. It does not do us any good to be stuck in the past and missing who and what we used to be when we could instead be enjoying who and what we are today. An example I like to use is that clothing we used to wear can often remind us that we no longer look like we used to or live the same life. Keeping it sends a message to us each time we open the closet doors that we are still holding out hope to be that person again, which also implies that the person we are right now is not good enough. What a way to start the day! The same can be said for books, collections, hobby accessories, children's papers and so on. There is nothing wrong with celebrating our past lives and achievements, but when the celebrating starts to melt into dwelling or disappointment then we have crossed into dangerous territory. We are not defined by our past and our belongings do not hold our identity within them. Today is a new day and you must be celebrated for the person you are right now.

It is the emotions that we experience during a decluttering session that cause us to feel so very tired afterward. While every person and every session is different, the emotional possibilities include concern, worry, guilt, fear, shame, regret, anger, sadness, disappointment, and relief. Decluttering and making decision after decision uncovers the feelings that are what truly lie in our closets and basements and garages. We are not avoiding the mess and it is not the mess that overwhelms us. It is the feelings we are avoiding and the feelings that overwhelm us. Don't declutter simply to clean up or organize your space. Declutter to reclaim your life.

I am The Hot Mess Healer and I am here to help you do that.